Here is a brief report on a topic in psychology that has been interested to me recently.
FIVE LOVE
LANGUAGES
One of our basic human needs is to love and to be loved.
According to author Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five distinct ways we feel and
experience love. Learning about these love languages helps us express love, appreciate
it and understand ourselves better.
Why should I learn about the 5 Love Languages?
First, learning about ourselves and our own needs and
desires is the foundation to a life well lived and feeling life satisfaction. Learning
about your own love language helps you feel more loved and connected.
Second, research shows that most couples have
different languages of love. We often express our love in our favored love
language which can lead to disconnect and confusion between partners. And not
only between love partners, but also between kids and parents, friends,
relatives, and even colleagues at work.
What are the 5 Love Languages?
You should understand that you can feel connected and
loved with all 5. What you’re looking for is your first and possibly second
language of love. After you finish reading my report you can put all 5 languages in order from the
most important for you to the least important one.
Let’s start with the most understandable languages.
Words of Affirmation
This love language is all about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation.
When this is someone’s primary
love language, give them lots of sincere compliments, authentic praise, and thank
them for their work as much as possible. For example, set a reminder on your
phone to send a supportive text from time to time.
Physical Touch
A person with this love language feels loved through physical touch. They enjoy having their hand together, their arms touched, their back rubbed or tapped, and often in public places. They appreciate physical closeness. If this is an intimate relationship, this love language includes sex as the most important aspect of communication.
Research shows that the frequency of physical contact
is important to these partners. If you want to show your love to such a person,
give them small, regular touches all day long. This lets them know you’re
thinking of them, and how much you adore them. A kiss on the cheek, touching
his arm while he’s talking, a hug in the morning or while saying good night. A
5-minute rubbing their back or foot at least once a week has a great success.
Gifts
Someone with gifts as a primary love language views
gifts as symbolic of love and affection. It is not about monetary value – a
small inexpensive present can be a sign of love. The gift has value if it is
filled up with special meaning, thoughts.
Find some simple gifts for a such kind of people. No need
to wait for a special occasion. Give a flower, bring a sample lotion from a
hotel – this will be enough.
Quality Time
A person with quality time as their love language
loves spending time with you. This looks like all of us love it, but the important
word here is QUALITY. It means no cell phones, it means eye contact, active
listening, asking questions. It means that you do something together – go
fishing, go to theater, museum, excursion.
Fortunately for busy people, for such persons quality means much more than quantity. Give them five minutes of your undivided attention and it will make a miracle. Golden phrases for this love language are “tell me more” or “what did you think about that”. Confirm their words and don’t give advices.
Acts of service
Now the most complicated and as for me the most
dramatic and labor-intensive love language. This is acts of service.
A person with acts of service as a primary love
language shows and receives love signs through help. They appreciate demonstration
of love in clear, certain ways. They love it when you offer useful actions - cleaning
the kitchen after dinner, giving you a ride to the airport, fixing a broken device.
I think this language is the only one where you give
others the same thing as you expect to receive from them. In other words, these
people love when others do things for them and therefore, they can often be
found doing little things for others.
SUMMARY
We all speak these languages one way or another, but
one or two of them are our primary languages. The greatest mistake is that
people think it doesn’t matter which language you use. Usually, you think that
if you love gifts, then all other people love them too. If you love to be
touched, your partner loves it as you do. No, it doesn’t work like this.
That’s why we should determine our love languages and
try to find out the primary language of our partners. Then it will be much easier to communicate with people surrounding you. And there will be more love
in this world.
